| City Slickers 3: |
| The Legend of Jeremy's Fall |
Clearly, I do not spend enough time reading US Weekly for I would have
known the trauma that comes in falling off a horse. Wasn’t it just recently that
Madonna --excuse me, Madge -- fell while shooting quail on her English
estate, breaking a bone or two in the process? Poor girl, she refuses to admit
she’s entering middle age. When you suffer a hernia during Pilates it shouldn’t
be a text from A Rod telling you to hang up the cone bra and start thinking one
woman show in Vegas.
That Madonna nearly died by horse and not choked to death with
Kabbalah string by Guy Richie, who hasn’t eaten red meat since Lourdes
starting waxing and so is naturally cranky, should have been sign enough to
keep me out of the equine circuit. But nooooo … I don’t know what The Travel
Snob was thinking, but with nary a day of training or even interest he hopped
on the back of a horse and galloped up the Andes Mountains during a recent
sojourn to Chile.
And then he fell.
On his ass.
Near a rock slide.
Okay, quick tutorial: The Travel Snob lives for thrills and chills. He’s all
about the dangerous life, having suffered through many Barney’s Warehouse
sales and company-mandated diversity seminars.
But as much as the cloak and dagger lifestyle thrills him to no end, and it
does, bodily harm never quite enters the equation, at least not in his risk
assessment. And this is a man whose made to measure Giorgio Armani suits
are insured by Lloyds of London.
And so after recovering from my tumble but not embarrassment, I
became the group’s “special” rider, escorted by a team of chaperons who put
me in a red helmet, Corky nametag and short yellow bus at the bottom of the
mountain.
Fortunately that was not the highlight of a recent trip to Santiago, Chile.
Instead, I’m happy to report – mild tick and occasional stuttering aside – that
this is a country of immense beauty and character, and has the makings of a
dream vacation.
It’s ironic the Travel Snob would even think about going to South America
when he’d never considered it any more than a giant rain forest filled with
primitive tribes out to kidnap Powers Booth’s offspring. But the promise of a
free vacation is a tempting draw, especially when it’s American Airlines and
The Ritz-Carlton inviting you, and those are two organizations I am intimately
familiar with, having appeared as a loss in both their annual reports. They
were looking to promote Chile as a worthy destination for your AA miles, and
wisely sought The Travel Snob as their harbinger because no one carries
more sway with the traveling public.
At least that’s what it says in my press kit. But I admit, it wasn’t exactly me
they were after. Instead, I was asked to invite a well known TV star and his wife
to tour Santiago and its surrounding areas, and look the other way should we
see any rioting, looting or government coups on our route. I was mere window
dressing, having made the introductions and then willingly slid back into my
role as hanger-on.
Included in our group were two BlackBerry-wielding Ritz-Carlton
publicists, who must have gotten the memo from corporate to keep me away
from the Club Lounge and the liquor cabinet, a Herculean task Michelle
Obama couldn’t fulfill, and have you seen her arms lately? Thankfully, our
hosts were cool (read: weak) and not at all the clipboard-carrying, Blue-tooth
wearing, caricature that has scarred the PR profession. They dazzled us with
inspired amenities throughout our stay, like a specially-drawn wine baths in
our rooms, which I requested come with straw, and a group dinner at its
signature restaurant Wine 365, where the sommelier showed us a custom-
made Chilean wood holder capable of carrying six glasses of wine, something I
like to call “lunch.”
The Ritz-Carlton, Santiago is mostly known as a business hotel but that
doesn’t do it justice. Since it opened six years ago it has become a haven for
well-to-do vacationers who come for the skiing, white water-rafting, horse
riding and fly-fishing – activities you can do year round and all within a day,
thanks to Chile’s multiple climate zones and landscapes.
I was eager to experience none of that, and instead feigned concern over
sending our talent home in a body cast, when in reality I could have cared
less, given his show is now past the 100 episode threshold needed for
syndication and thus no longer important. And so we did lazy, chauffeur-driven
activities instead, like visit Viu Manent, a family owned winery in the heart of
the Colchagua Valley founded in the mid-19th century and one of the oldest
and most beautiful in Chile, as well as the beautiful Lodge Andino, a 44,000
acre family-owned sanctuary just an hour from Santiago. It was here I was
nearly killed by horse, so not the glamorous exit I always envisioned (think
Monte Carlo, pills and maybe a cliff).
We also traveled up the steep Cerro San Cristobál (Saint
Christopher Hill) in a cable car, which promised “never-ending vistas of the
cosmopolitan city below.” The views were grand, admittedly, but the endless
line of exuberant Chileans parading around in silly costumes, twirling batons
and banging drums left the Travel Snob wistful for New York’s own Puerto
Rican Day parade.
We’d also spend hours at Santiago’s Pueblito Los Domínicos, an artisan
village of 150 stores famous for one-of-a-kind original hand-knit clothing,
jewelry, pottery, alpaca wool sweaters, ostrich leather accessories and grimy
old license plates from Albuquerque. I wouldn’t even call it a poor man’s Worth
Avenue, more like a destitute man’s Boynton Beach Mall. While strolling
through the village, and making faces at the caged roosters, The Travel Snob
came across a hand-made, five string guitar which he brought for his boss
back home, earning him suck-up points for a whole day and a half.
Now in fear I’ve created too much of a Third World view of Chile, The Travel
Snob was impressed with the city’s modernity and cleanliness, as well as its
collection of high-end shops like Hermes, Louis Vuitton and Ermenegildo
Zegna lining its neighborhoods.
We left Santiago with a renewed appreciation for Chile and South
America, and having had an amazing team soaking up its wonders, from the
mountains to the wineries.
Everything except the horses.
known the trauma that comes in falling off a horse. Wasn’t it just recently that
Madonna --excuse me, Madge -- fell while shooting quail on her English
estate, breaking a bone or two in the process? Poor girl, she refuses to admit
she’s entering middle age. When you suffer a hernia during Pilates it shouldn’t
be a text from A Rod telling you to hang up the cone bra and start thinking one
woman show in Vegas.
That Madonna nearly died by horse and not choked to death with
Kabbalah string by Guy Richie, who hasn’t eaten red meat since Lourdes
starting waxing and so is naturally cranky, should have been sign enough to
keep me out of the equine circuit. But nooooo … I don’t know what The Travel
Snob was thinking, but with nary a day of training or even interest he hopped
on the back of a horse and galloped up the Andes Mountains during a recent
sojourn to Chile.
And then he fell.
On his ass.
Near a rock slide.
Okay, quick tutorial: The Travel Snob lives for thrills and chills. He’s all
about the dangerous life, having suffered through many Barney’s Warehouse
sales and company-mandated diversity seminars.
But as much as the cloak and dagger lifestyle thrills him to no end, and it
does, bodily harm never quite enters the equation, at least not in his risk
assessment. And this is a man whose made to measure Giorgio Armani suits
are insured by Lloyds of London.
And so after recovering from my tumble but not embarrassment, I
became the group’s “special” rider, escorted by a team of chaperons who put
me in a red helmet, Corky nametag and short yellow bus at the bottom of the
mountain.
Fortunately that was not the highlight of a recent trip to Santiago, Chile.
Instead, I’m happy to report – mild tick and occasional stuttering aside – that
this is a country of immense beauty and character, and has the makings of a
dream vacation.
It’s ironic the Travel Snob would even think about going to South America
when he’d never considered it any more than a giant rain forest filled with
primitive tribes out to kidnap Powers Booth’s offspring. But the promise of a
free vacation is a tempting draw, especially when it’s American Airlines and
The Ritz-Carlton inviting you, and those are two organizations I am intimately
familiar with, having appeared as a loss in both their annual reports. They
were looking to promote Chile as a worthy destination for your AA miles, and
wisely sought The Travel Snob as their harbinger because no one carries
more sway with the traveling public.
At least that’s what it says in my press kit. But I admit, it wasn’t exactly me
they were after. Instead, I was asked to invite a well known TV star and his wife
to tour Santiago and its surrounding areas, and look the other way should we
see any rioting, looting or government coups on our route. I was mere window
dressing, having made the introductions and then willingly slid back into my
role as hanger-on.
Included in our group were two BlackBerry-wielding Ritz-Carlton
publicists, who must have gotten the memo from corporate to keep me away
from the Club Lounge and the liquor cabinet, a Herculean task Michelle
Obama couldn’t fulfill, and have you seen her arms lately? Thankfully, our
hosts were cool (read: weak) and not at all the clipboard-carrying, Blue-tooth
wearing, caricature that has scarred the PR profession. They dazzled us with
inspired amenities throughout our stay, like a specially-drawn wine baths in
our rooms, which I requested come with straw, and a group dinner at its
signature restaurant Wine 365, where the sommelier showed us a custom-
made Chilean wood holder capable of carrying six glasses of wine, something I
like to call “lunch.”
The Ritz-Carlton, Santiago is mostly known as a business hotel but that
doesn’t do it justice. Since it opened six years ago it has become a haven for
well-to-do vacationers who come for the skiing, white water-rafting, horse
riding and fly-fishing – activities you can do year round and all within a day,
thanks to Chile’s multiple climate zones and landscapes.
I was eager to experience none of that, and instead feigned concern over
sending our talent home in a body cast, when in reality I could have cared
less, given his show is now past the 100 episode threshold needed for
syndication and thus no longer important. And so we did lazy, chauffeur-driven
activities instead, like visit Viu Manent, a family owned winery in the heart of
the Colchagua Valley founded in the mid-19th century and one of the oldest
and most beautiful in Chile, as well as the beautiful Lodge Andino, a 44,000
acre family-owned sanctuary just an hour from Santiago. It was here I was
nearly killed by horse, so not the glamorous exit I always envisioned (think
Monte Carlo, pills and maybe a cliff).
We also traveled up the steep Cerro San Cristobál (Saint
Christopher Hill) in a cable car, which promised “never-ending vistas of the
cosmopolitan city below.” The views were grand, admittedly, but the endless
line of exuberant Chileans parading around in silly costumes, twirling batons
and banging drums left the Travel Snob wistful for New York’s own Puerto
Rican Day parade.
We’d also spend hours at Santiago’s Pueblito Los Domínicos, an artisan
village of 150 stores famous for one-of-a-kind original hand-knit clothing,
jewelry, pottery, alpaca wool sweaters, ostrich leather accessories and grimy
old license plates from Albuquerque. I wouldn’t even call it a poor man’s Worth
Avenue, more like a destitute man’s Boynton Beach Mall. While strolling
through the village, and making faces at the caged roosters, The Travel Snob
came across a hand-made, five string guitar which he brought for his boss
back home, earning him suck-up points for a whole day and a half.
Now in fear I’ve created too much of a Third World view of Chile, The Travel
Snob was impressed with the city’s modernity and cleanliness, as well as its
collection of high-end shops like Hermes, Louis Vuitton and Ermenegildo
Zegna lining its neighborhoods.
We left Santiago with a renewed appreciation for Chile and South
America, and having had an amazing team soaking up its wonders, from the
mountains to the wineries.
Everything except the horses.
Branko Karlezi, PR manager
extraordinare.
extraordinare.
Michelle Payer, PR maven for
the Ritz-Carlton.
the Ritz-Carlton.
